The old saying is, “you don’t know what you’ve got until its gone,” but they clearly weren’t talking about football fans. As football fans, we know how much the game means to us, and although we didn’t miss any actual games while being locked out for months, we surely missed our football. After months of waiting for the lockout to end, the day finally came. The return of those familiar faces from ESPN updating us with what seemed like another free agent signing every 15 minutes was  like March Madness … only it was August. That day, I spend countless hours with my eyes glued to the sports ticker, wondering which big name free agent would land where next.

At about 11:30pm, I reach my tap out point. It's finally time to change the television to something non-sports related before finally calling it a night. After flipping through an endless amount of useless channels, I stumble upon the only thing that can hold my attention for more than three seconds: “ Storage Wars.” Now let me start by saying that I am the most anti-reality television show person you will ever meet, but this show - for me at least - is less about the characters and more about the junk they bid on. For those who have never seen "Storage Wars," it’s about people who go around to different storage facilities and bid on the units that are deemed abandoned. On this particular night, A&E is running a marathon so this will be the final resting place for my TV tonight. As I fall asleep watching average Joes bidding on lockers with no idea what’s in them and hoping to find a hidden gem, I can still hear the auctioneer’s voice speaking at that ridiculous pace and the last thing I hear for the night is “going once, going twice, sold to the highest bidder.”

Once in lala land, things get tricky. This is where all of the day’s events mix with the other random thoughts that are already in my head. Before I know it, I am watching Adam Schefter and John Clayton auction off NFL free agents to GMs and team owners at a frantic rate.

The first player up for bid is a quarterback with a strong arm and fast feet. His head appears to need some work, but he really hasn’t gotten a fair chance to show if he can be a starter in this league or not. He’s a poor man’s Michael Vick, and by poor we mean like ten-thousand-a-year-below-the-poverty-line poor. This talented quarterback has spent the last two years sitting behind Brett Favre, whom we can assume taught him absolutely nothing. Let the bidding begin for one Tavaris Jackson: Going once … going twice … sold to the Seattle Seahawks for a two year deal and a chance to start.

The next player up for bid is a defensive end who had 12 sacks last season. Those 12 sacks were actually more than he had accumulated in the previous four seasons combined. He is a young end who has one good season under his belt but still has a lot to prove in this league. So, we will start the bidding off at 25 million. Do I hear 25 million? Do I hear 25 anyone? I have 25, now do I hear 30? I have 30. Then out of nowhere someone yells out, “72 million with 30 of it guaranteed.” As the crowd is silenced by the huge offer, Clayton yells out, “Charles Johnson sold to the Panthers.” As the crowd remains silent, you can hear one GM whisper to another, “did he say Chris Johnson?” The other GM replies, "Nope, he said Charles."

Ladies and Gentlemen, the next item up for bid is a running back who had a breakout year three seasons ago with 1,500 yards rushing and 18 touchdowns. Since then, his production has dropped off every year. Last season, he played in six games and totaled only one touchdown. He has had his last two seasons cut short by injuries despite splitting carriers, but claims to be healthy now. We will start the bidding at 10 million. Do I hear 10 anyone? Here comes the same owner who won the last auction yelling out, "43 million with 21 of it guaranteed.” Once again, the crowd falls silent. Sold! DeAngelo Williams remains a Panther and just like that, the Panthers have spent 100 million dollars to retain two players who played a huge part in their two-win season from the season before.

Up next, we have a former overall number one pick. In this young man’s career, he has managed to throw more interceptions then touchdowns, has been demoted to third string, and has been beat out by players who weren’t even drafted. He has done absolutely nothing to warrant him starting under center, but for some reason he always seems to find himself named the starter at some point in the season. We will start the bidding off at a camp invite. Do I hear anyone offering a camp invite? All he wants is a chance to make the team, folks. Do I hear anyone offering him just a chance? He is just hoping to make the 53 man roster one more season. (Now this marks one of several parts of the dream where I know I am dreaming. I have seen just about every episode of "Storage Wars," and I have seen a lot of people bid on other people's junk not knowing what’s in the unit, but I have never seen anyone show up and bid on his own junk.) A voice yells out from the back, "I will pay 5 million and he can be my opening day starter." As the crowd turns around to see who is dumb enough to make such an offer to one of the biggest draft busts of the last decade, no one is shocked to find out that it's the same owner who has spent a fortune on this dude already. Sold! Just like that, Alex Smith is once again named the starter for the 49ers. As the crowd remains silent and everyone shakes their heads, you can hear one GM whisper to another, “Why does he keep doing that?” to which the other GM replies, “I think they are related somehow - like his long lost son or something. That has to be the reason.”

Hold on to your seats, folks, because this next unit is a big one. He is a former defensive player of the year and was once known as the most dominant lineman in the game. He is very open and honest and has no problems telling you what he will and will not do. He has very little respect for authority and since becoming the “100 million dollar man,” he doesn’t really care what anyone thinks. This player could either be an All Pro next year or the biggest distraction in the game. Do we have anyone willing to offer up his or her long snapper? Ok, I have a long snapper. Now do I hear a punter? I have a punter - punter going once … punter going twice … just when it seems the auction is over, a man in an old beat up hoody offers up a fifth-round draft pick for him. Sold! Albert Haynesworth is rewarded to the New England Patriots for a fifth round draft pick. The man in the hoody is all smiles with his new pick and he whispers to another GM, “I once picked up a receiver who they said the same thing about for a fourth round pick, and he set NFL records. Then when he started acting out, I shipped him out for a third round pick. Genius.”

This next player needs no introduction; he is a marketing firm all by himself. Just a few years ago, he was regarded as one of the best wideouts in football, but now he is just known as the loudest. He has drawn so much attention for his actions off the field that most don’t even realize he has put together a hall of fame career on it. Somehow, he has earned a reputation as a trouble maker despite the fact that he has never been in trouble and has always been credited as one of the hardest workers on the team. This wideout is 33 years old, which means there are still two or three productive years of football left in those legs. Do I hear a fifth round pick? Ok I have a fifth round, now do I hear a fourth? The man in the hoody yells out, "I will give up a fifth and a sixth round pick." While several of the GMs in attendance like the idea of adding the receiver’s talent, they dread selling their coaches on the media circus that comes along with him. The man in the hoody is both the coach and the shot caller of his team, so today he is the winner of Chad OchoCinco as Schefter yells out, “sold to the Patriots for a fifth and sixth round pick.”

The next player up for bid might be the most disrespected quarterback in NFL history. His first head coach asked him to single-handedly carry the offense for almost a decade, while providing him with targets such as James Thrash, Todd Pickston, and everyone’s favorite, Freddie Mitchell. After using up his prime, his coach then used him as the scapegoat and shipped him off to the division rival, where he was also treated like the red-headed step-child. After performing at a pro bowl level his entire career with no receivers, his next employer attempted to see how he would look with no receivers, no running game, and no offensive line. Once his new coach realized that he could neither walk on water nor turn water into wine, he was told to back a quarterback whose best year couldn’t compare to his worst. He has remained classy and professional his entire career, and although he has probably thrown more balls into the dirt than Tim Wakefield, he also throws one of the best deep balls in the game. He might not be what he once was, but he is still one of the best 32 quarterbacks on the planet - and with that we will start the bidding at a fourth round pick. Do I hear fourth round pick anyone? Anyone? ( Silence) Do I hear a fifth round pick? Folks, come on now, fifth round pick? We are talking about a Hall of Famer here, people. A man yells out, "I will give up two sixth round picks and give him a chance to start and play with a real running back and some decent receivers." Sold! Donovan McNabb to the Vikings.

This next player was one of the most hyped players to ever enter the NFL. He was pegged to be Walter Payton, Eric Dickerson and Marshall Faulk all rolled up into one. After five seasons, he’s more like an injury prone Eric Metcalf. Although he will never be the every-down back most had hoped for, he’s still one of the most dangerous players in football. He is due a large chunk of change this season, so you will need him to agree to a new contract. We will start the bidding at a fourth round pick for this luxury back. While several GMs like the idea of having one of the best big play threats in the league on their rosters, the GM from Miami makes the biggest offer and is rewarded with Reggie Bush. Sold for a back up safety and some picks to be named later. The man in the hoody is seen laughing as he tells his assistant, “The Dolphins just bought a Jaguar while they are still renting the apartment. They will never catch us like that.”

This next quarterback was once viewed as one of the NFL’s brightest up and coming stars. He was rookie of the year and a two time pro bowler with a knack for late game heroics. He has a strong arm, big frame, and is faster than most linebackers. His accuracy isn’t the greatest, and he has been known to use bad judgment on and off the field. We will start the bidding off at camp invite; do I hear a camp invite anyone? Out of a nowhere, a 400-pound bearded man with a face like Benjamin Franklin yells out, "I will take him back to Philly with me." Sold! Just like that, Vince Young goes to the Eagles. The move makes sense because if Michael Vick is a man who electrifies the city, Young should be at least a flash light when the power goes out - and anyone who has ever watched the Vick experience knows the power always goes out at some point.

After the large, bearded coach picks up Vince Young, things start to get weird again because he just starts buying everything in sight. It's like he buys every player that comes up to be bid upon - no matter the price. It's as though he has a stolen credit card or something. He shells out 28 million on a 31 year old journey man defensive end that has had one good season. Then he drops 25 million on a defensive tackle whose biggest claim to fame is being the brother of Kris. He picks up an injury prone running back who spent the last couple of seasons running the wildcat. He even picks up a receiver who might not even be able to play until October. The strangest thing is that even while he is spending money like he had just robbed a bank, he keeps telling some guy on the phone named DeSean that he doesn't have any money right now and will have to talk to him later. And, as if he hasn't spent enough money already, when they get to the biggest jewel of the whole free agent auction, he spends 60 million and gets him, too - despite already having two pro bowl corners. It doesn't really make sense, but hey, that’s how dreams go sometimes.

Just when my dream starts to get really silly, like punters getting 16 million dollar deals, the Dolphins working out Tiki, Clinton, and LJ at the same time, Wills McGahee getting a four year deal, and the Bucs paying a guard 53 million, I can feel myself waking up.  I grab the remote, turn to ESPN, and hear, “Breaking News: Palxico Burress has just signed with the Jets.” Wait … am I still dreaming?